I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
