Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
