I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
