my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
