My balls are so social today.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
