Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
