I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
