Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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