Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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