I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
