you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
