Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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