Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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