My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
