Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
