It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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