He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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