dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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