Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
