Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
