Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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