Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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