Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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