someone owes me an orgasm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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