Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
