david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
