dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
