So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
