Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
