Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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