someone threw a dead crab at me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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