IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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