You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
