Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
