New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
