Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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