My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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