Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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