Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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