hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
