i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
