I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
