Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
