In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
