It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
