After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
