your parents love me but you hate me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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