five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
