Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
