Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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