There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina is officially offended.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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