In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
