Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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